shadows

by Rowan Rain

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05:38
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03:01
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04:24
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04:34
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04:15
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01:13

about

Act II of the Duality Double LP

credits

released March 14, 2019

all vocals & guitar by Rowan Rain
saw by Juliette Wallace (track 1)

all songs written by Rowan Rain
recorded, mixed, and mastered by Sean Sebastian at Bard Rock studios
album art by Juliette Wallace

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about

Rowan Rain Seattle, Washington

the honey-tongued water witch

rhythmic dream folk diving into deep waters, weaving spell into song with poetic lyrics and soulful storytelling

artist photo by antonia stoyanovich

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Track Name: shadows
Now it’s dark

Hide me away
It’s not safe to let my shadows out to play
So would you kindly explain
Why this restraint feels feigned
Like I’ve got in the way of myself again
So I suppose that nobody knows
The trouble i’ll put us in
But the air runs thick thick with scent of bloodlust and sickness
We’re alright, life’s just fine, and it’s right
But inside I’m dying for the life I could be living

Mind your desire, you might get what you ask for
Make it your gift, not a curse

Take another look in the mirror
Can you recognize the eyes in the reflection there?
How bout the rest? Would you like me to test?
Give myself a pinch to make sure i’m real
Oh cause when i’m low I gotta make sure I can feel

Want to go higher? Just pick your poison
And try not to make it your vice

So hide me underwater
Where it’s cold and dark and deep
I can’t sleep for knowing my resolve is just a little weak
I’ll leave a part of me at sea
And all for fear of my capability
But with time, the salt air and brine, I’ll be fine
As I settle and slowly sink

Mind your desire, you might get what you ask for
Make it your gift
Track Name: grief game
Y’know I never felt very pretty
But I always felt pretty cool
Wish Momma didn’t move us from the city
Wish I tried harder in school
When you drank up my tears
And I feasted on your fears
You told me that I tasted sweet
I knew that you were lying
And it didn’t stop the crying
But it’s ok, ok

Nobody drinks seawater for the taste anyway
I’m not really doing alright, but I’m okay

Spill my blood into the earth
Smile cause you know it hurts
Eyes so empty body tight
If you fuck with me baby i’ll put up a fight
Snakes slither up my thigh
Give me a kiss and I’ll say goodnight
I’m playing a grief game, taking it slow
How do you know when it’s time to let go?

History tends to rhyme
A different face a different time
And all of the things that seem to be sentimental
Stay stitched up in my mind
Sometimes it feels like a story
Feels like playing a game
I’m not really doing alright, but I’m okay
Track Name: serpentskin ii
I’m feeling a little lost lately
Don’t know how I got here or where I’m going now
Feels like I’ve got sharp things in my body
Knives and broken glass stick out of my ribs and hurt the things that I hold close

I wanna be a little baby bird living in a nest
Soft and singing and getting all the rest I need
But I’m not I am an animal with claws and teeth
To survive some things in the wild need blood and meat
And I am hungry
And I still feel empty

I’ve lived so many lives
I’ve lived so many lives
I’ve lived so many lives
Dying all the time, all the time, all the time

Don’t really know what I look like these days
I’ve been having trouble looking in the mirror
Can’t seem to recognize my own face
I wanna peel back all my skin til I see something familiar

But snakes shed lives and grow their new ones underneath
All I’ve got to show for my past is the collection of my baby teeth
The rest of me I guess is really long since shed
I miss you, I miss me, I miss them
I miss you, I miss me, I miss them
I miss me, I miss me, I miss me, I miss me...
Track Name: while i was sleeping
While I was sleeping oh the secrets she was keeping
Come to bed and stay out of my head
I don’t need to spend this life obsessed with death
Trying my best to stay sane
walking through the rain
toward the city lights glowing pretty and tempting
Not everything is how it seems
Least of all, me

While I was sleeping she was somewhere softly weeping
invisible tears
A drought in her eye
Through all that we did
She never once cried
High and free floating by
Hollow and empty like a cloud in the sky
Unburdened by the rain
Unbothered and laughing again

Throw me out to sea again I’ve tired of the land
But I don’t expect you to understand how I can hold my little body underwater in the cold
I have been told to feed my demons
Before they feast on me
I’ve yet to see how this is more than just placation
I know I have a taste for pleasure
Still I deny the means to satisfy my lust
I try to hide the depths of their delusion
But she did something bad while I was sleeping
And so I’m gonna have to pay the price

Can’t tell if i’m caged or I’m freed
By everything surrounding me
This waking life feels like a dream
Like I’m coming undone at the seams

Slipping between
Oh, I’m learning to weep
Barely breathing
Still asleep
Track Name: hollow homed
I’m hollow homed again
Bare walls and this empty bed
I’ve got to get it all out
Gotta make it small, now
And leave it like I came

Oh corners painted beige
I had so many colors planned for you
But time ran out and these plans can’t stay
I’ll take them with me while I run
I tell myself it’s fun but really who’s to say

Cause home is where I lay my head
Seems like I’ll stop running when I’m dead
Wish I had roots but oh instead
I’ve got a pair of itchy feet, a wandering mind, a wound that’s yet to mend

And it’s killing me, it’s killing me to go

I’m coming up for air
Deep breath see where I’m at, see if I care
Cause In a while i’ll be gone
I’m so tired of being strong
But if I move along
I have no choice but to bear it

Cause home is where I lay my head
Seems like I’ll stop running when I’m dead
Wish I had roots but oh instead
I’ve got a pair of itchy feet, a wandering mind, a wound that’s yet to mend

And it’s killing me, it’s killing me, to go
Oh it’s killing me, it’s killing me

So here I go again
Bare walls and this empty bed
I’ve got to get it all out
Gotta make it small, now
And leave it like I came

And it’s killing me, it’s killing me, to go
Oh it’s killing me, it’s killing me, it’s killing me
Track Name: about last summer
Your hand found my throat in the dark just like it always used to
And in this game of fuck or fight or flight
My body froze
I chose to say yes when you asked to come over even though I shouldn’t have, wouldn’t have if I knew how you don’t recognize me anymore
I saw it in your eyes and i felt it in my thighs when you make me sore
And in that moment of fear you exploded with pleasure inside of my body and I knew
It’s over for me and you
It’s over

Being of fire you burned me turned me hurt me loved me mad
I’m sad and I’m sorry but you’ll haunt me with the things we could have had
I’m a sinner I’m selfish and wicked and cold like the water that can’t help but wander the world
Stayed for too long even though I knew that it was wrong I just wanted the home of your mountains and strong arms instead I got sad songs

I gave you a kiss on your way out the door
Then I sighed as I looked at the moon in my palm
And I wished that some futures had never been shown to me
I wished that some dreams had been left with the dawn and forgotten
Track Name: the tower
Brick by brick
You might as well make it quick
If it’s gonna all crumble to the ground
I guess i’ve gotta be the witness
And blood flows thick
Over my lips and down my thighs
I choose to believe my eyes
Cause the reckoning can be vicious

My heart beats quicker and quicker
Threatening to jump right out of my chest
The flames will dance and lick and flicker
While they burn up my life and bring the night back to black

Cause when I turn my card around
I already know what will be found

Oh you can see it in my eyes
It’s caught me by surprise
And I can’t say that I’m scared
But I know I’m unprepared
For the wreckage after winds kick up a storm
I’ve got to warn you that the fallout may be fierce
But I’m here I’ve rebuilt before and I always persevere

My heart beats quicker and quicker
Threatening to jump right out of my chest
The flames will dance and lick and flicker
While they burn up my life and bring the night back to black

Cause when I turn my card around
I know what will be found
It follows me, it follows me for now
And when I turn that card around
The tower will come falling down
It follows me for now
Falling down
Track Name: flowers & fade
I once knew a girl I loved more than myself
more than the world, it’s such a shame
She was found in the bathtub blue skin, bloody drain
The water over her head, her insides out upon her chest
Least that’s what her mother said
When she called to share the news
To curse my name
As if I didn’t already share in the blame
Like we shared all our secrets and pain
Shared those bitter narcotics
Whose sedative powers made elly grow flowers and fade
fade away

Elly I’m sorry I couldn’t stay
The blue sea and sky kept on calling out to me anyway
Elly how I’m sorry it had to end this way
I’ll always love you but it’s time I learn to walk away

I don’t know if you’ve got a grave
I’ve got nothing to visit no pictures to frame
I don’t know if I can quite handle the days
Where I forget if you were real at all or if I conjured you up in my brain
Why, why, why,
I’ve cry, cry, cry, cried
And the answer always comes
From the nothing up above
There’s no reason some things fall
And if there’s meaning in it all
I couldn’t say, some things just fade away

Elly how I’m sorry you couldn’t stay
I’m gonna keep living even if there’s no point anyway
Elly how I’m sorry your life went so astray
I’ll always love you but it’s time I learn to walk away
Track Name: goodnight john
He said
“Little girl won’t you give me a twirl
You know how I love how you look
When you’re wearing that dress
Fix up your face
Your hair is a mess
And your feet are so dirty
You’re young and you’re flirty
But let’s not pretend that I don’t know
What’s best for you
Now why can’t you just do what I tell you to?
After all you could be my daughter”
And like a calf to the slaughter he lead me to bed
And he told me to spread
He had a wife and child and I never thought to ask
He gave me my tasks and I did them well
Lips sweeter than heaven
You were my own private hell
That last night in your queen anne apartment
I finally broke the spell

I said
Goodnight John, I’m finally moving on
Not gonna be your songbird anymore
You’ve done me wrong cause I was only a child
And I know that I was wild but I’m not yours to tame
All the same all the same
I’ll curse the shame that you have left me
All the same all the same
I’ll curse your name
Track Name: cutting out the lies
I disappear when I feel fear
and I leave before I’m left
I’m praying for my sanity with every little death
I cried a river running down to meet the ocean of my soul
I howled up into the sky to tell the moon I’m growing old

Light my fire baby and I’ll still feel cold

Oh tell your story and cut out all the lies
Run run run run until you crumble
Every single step feeling just like knives

Numb, I just want to have some fun
But I don’t know what it feels like and I won’t know til I’m done
I need someone to help me cause I’m addicted to the high
But of course I got a feeling i’ll just ride it til i’m fine

Tell me where I need to draw the line
Is it a crime if I decide what’s mine is mine

Oh tell your story and cut out all the lies
Run run run run until you crumble
Every single step feeling just like knives

Light my fire baby I’m just waiting for a spark
To burn this whole place to the ground
and get back to where it’s dark
The truth is that there is an evil in me
And for that alone, I’m sorry

Oh tell your story and cut out all the lies
Run run run run until you crumble
Every single step feeling just like knives
Track Name: up / down
Blank walls swimming all around me
And half filled boxes litter my floor
On my nightstand I opened a drawer
I hadn’t touched since my adolescent demon days
I found an empty bag of cocaine
And a paper airplane made with a love note
Five expired condoms and a half a smoke

Oh no, oh no

I couldn’t help but to sit there stunned
And I don’t know why
But I started to cry and cry
I felt a bit taken aback
So I started to laugh
At the absurdity of what my life has turned out to be
I’m not crazy I think it’s just hazy
It’s been a bit of a trip if you mention it
And still I’ve got another goodbye
Before I let this life die

Oh my, oh my
Up / down
You’re either crowned or you’re crucified
But by and by
I’ll be alright

Flash back
To the skin you were in when you wanted to begin again
A few homes ago and certainly a lifetime or three
It seems to me that the moon might be hanging a little low in the sky tonight
Will you put up a fight with your feeling?
Or let it go? Can you try?

Oh my, oh my
Up / down
You’re either god or you’re vilified
But by and by
I’ll be alright

Cause it’s up and down
Round and round
On this roller coaster ride
In and out on a restless tide
Pushing me onward
To somewhere
I know that I’ve got to go

Oh no, oh no

Up / down
Now here I go again
Up / down
Track Name: is it the morning?
Is it the morning, or is it the night?

A siren’s singing scream spills into the city streets and as I walk they collide with my footsteps ringing on the pavement that patches up the rivers running real far down below I feel them flow beneath my feet even though the pipes confine them now

The birds follow me to work I chirp and I don’t know what I’m saying but they seem to like me anyways we hop and skip down broadway over nails that litter hallways temporarily constructed in the street

I will go to sleep to escape the noise

People think the city’s dead but it’s just breathing in a different way like the grass that cracks the sidewalks way the concrete warps and bubbles way when the roots keep growing all the time and that darling angel creeper vine engulfs my window finally

I will sing a spell with the other birds
A love song to the weeds and to the dirt
Concrete comes alive in the shadow of the night
When I sleepwalk east to where the water rushes
Track Name: cyclical
Come cyclical collective from the mother from the tide
Risen from the water to the heavens and the sky
Rain upon the world for an adventure, for another life and
Purify, purify, purify

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